As Valentines weekend dawns on us all, Facebook is awash with both romantic pictures of roses and soppy yet hilarious greetings cards (guilty), or opposing rants and declarations of ‘I don’t need no man’ from those less interested in joining in the festivities, or even the bizarre group of people who take the romantic holidays as a personal attack and subject their friends and followers to a wave of self-pity and depression over being left out of the couply excitements.. (No offence meant, but my general feelings for this is that people endure Mothers/Fathers Day without parents, or live through Christmas without being Christian, or even cope with the efforts of Pancake Day whilst being lactose intolerant – if you can’t or don’t want to join in the fun, then don’t. There are 364 other days of the year that are equally satisfactory. Enjoy them.)
I’m fortunate enough that this year, I did get to spend Valentines Day with my very own Mr Becky. I was ever so lucky to receive flowers, a lovely hand written card and even a treat at a local beauty salon, with a good oily rub down and my first introduction to facials. Boy did good. But even if I hadn’t been spending the day with the man in the Aston Martin, I’d still be lucky enough to celebrating someone equally awesome.
Sorry Mr Becky – you are pretty cool, but I’m even cooler.
“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” – Lucille Ball
Sure, big headedness and ego aside, I have my flaws and I’m certainly not perfect, but after 21 years of self assurance and indecisiveness, I have finally come to terms with me as a person. And it’s awesome. Because of this, I look after myself. I encourage myself. I spend my time doing stuff I wanna do. I go out and spend my hard earned money on stuff that I wanna buy. And I have no regrets about doing so.
I totally appreciate this is coming across as a show off thing, and I also have no doubts that at least 50% of the people that read this will be thinking “I don’t know what she’s got to show off about, she’s so ugly/boring/stupid [delete as applicable]”, but you know what, I don’t even care. I spent all 12 years of my school education hating myself and having everyone else hate me too, and now I don’t have to deal with them, I’m giving myself all the love I can. I spend my spare time educating myself with home courses, furthering my writing career with my blog and freelancing, enjoying my work and reading magazines, and appreciating the joys of my life.
“When I was around 18, I looked in the mirror and said, ‘You’re either going to love yourself or hate yourself.’ And I decided to love myself. That changed a lot of things.” – Queen Latifah
I spent a fortune at the hairdressers. Because it’s amazing. Getting a head massage and an afternoon of spoiling is the most relaxing thing. And, also, because my hair is a frizzy mess so only the best treatments can make it manageable. And then I feel better. So good for me! I go shopping and buy shoes I don’t need and dresses I’ll only wear once. But if it worked for one evening of awesomness, then that’s all it needs, and it can return to my wardrobe victorious.
There are plenty of blogs and articles about how to find self love, and how to appreciate yourself more, with lots of quotes from Buddha and yoga and cleansing shit. But however you choose to find your inner peace (or some crap like that), the joy of not giving a shit is the best thing. I know I should have more savings, and I know I should be going to the gym, and I know that it’s slightly embarrassing that I don’t know anything about geography and I don’t care about travelling through India. But I just don’t, and I seem to be doing fine anyway, so what’s the big deal.
One of the best things I remember seeing was on America’s Next Top Model when I was the grand age of 14 or something and already had my ‘walk’ down to a fine art. Tyra gave some excellent advice to a mum who was sad about spending her time on a modelling show instead of with her daughter. Simply put, “we have to learn to love and appreciate our own worth in life before we can be expected to share it with those around us.” Deep, but true. If we don’t love ourselves, how can we love anyone else? If we can’t appreciate our own self worth, how is anyone else going to see that? If you don’t stand tall and shout ‘Damn I’m awesome’, how is anyone else going to see that?
Mr Becky and I work so well because we’re both certain in our own lives. We have differences and similarities, but we’re confident enough to embrace both. My awesomeness makes him even more awesome. And vice versa.
So I’m gonna leave you with the awesome tunes of Kendrick Lamar and his “I love myself” song. Which it’s totes my jam right now. He delicately puts it, “as I look around me, so many motherfuckers wanna down me, but ain’t no nigga never drown me in front of a dirty double-mirror they found me.”
Yep. That sums it up alright.