I have a new love of my life – Harvey Specter.
Well that’s not entirely true; he’s been the love of my life for 3-4 years now, for being the lead legal genius on the TV show Suits.
He struts around in his tailored Tom Ford three piece, his perfectly in-place quaffed back hairstyle, his “I don’t give a shit attitude” but with the brains and the beauty to back it up – this dude has it down.
He lives alone in his glass-fronted Manhattan apartment, jumping in limos and making millions of pounds in multinational legal issues. Boom.
(On a side note, it’s on Netflix. So go watch it. Now.)
Series 5 has just come out and of course I’m streaming it from America. It carries the same thread – Harvey and his sexiness solving cases all over New York, with bucket loads of charm and suave sophistication at the same time.
But what’s really striking me about this season is one of the main story lines focused around my new future Mr Becky.
“It’s not bragging if it’s true.”
Harvey is seeing a therapist, and suffering with panic attacks.
My poor baby.
But in all seriousness, he’s going, as a professional, owning his career, swimming in money, living his absolute dream, to have counselling and talk about the issues of his past that are affecting him.
The storyline is really helping to overcome the stigma of men suffering with mental health issues.
But even then, he’s not very good at it. He sits in his therapy meetings, ignoring all the questions that she asks him, getting angry whenever she questions him or tried to overanalyse, and yet clearly having things he wants to talk about. And, thinking about it, this could be an appropriate metaphor for men in general.
“I’m against having emotions, not against using them.”
One of my ex’s once told me that, as a general rule in guy world, everything gets put into a box and stored away. Everything gets finalised and finished and buried out of sight in it’s own box of crap. Each chapter ends by ripping it out of the book of life and simply throwing it away. All the memories, all the feelings; everything that’s finished gets locked away, never to be looked at again. Job done. Move on.
Us women don’t have that. We love our memories. We keep our books wide open, referencing back to previous experience, highlighting key points, making notes and keeping our boxes of stuff wide open, and, more often than not, in a mess all over the floor.
That makes us totally over emotional, and perhaps kept in the past a little bit, and still reliving the stuff we did do, and the stuff we didn’t do, and trying to find reasoning from past occasions. We use everything we’ve experienced and tie it all up into the woman we are today, whether that’s in the dating world, or in the career world, or even just going out and having some pizza with friends. Women are better are using their past experiences to shape them, and evolve, while men are keener to move on and forget it.
Perhaps that’s why they always make the same mistakes over and over again. These men never learn.
I’m not a psychologist in any way shape or form – in fact, I’d hate to date a psychologist. It would feel a bit Derren Brown, like they were reading your mind at every occasion. Yet women are always keen to try and get their men to open up. Always keen to get them to speak about their childhood, and their previous girlfriends, and their life growing up.
And, as Harvey expertly demonstrates, that won’t work. It doesn’t really matter if they talk about it or not. It doesn’t add anything. And if they want to talk about it, they’ll come to you in your own time.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not singling out men in this. “Issues” are a woman’s middle name. Whether that’s manifested as ‘not enough attention from Daddy’, or ‘my last boyfriend ruined my outlook on love’, or ‘I can’t hold down a relationship because I’m far too possessive and needy’, us girls have issues. I’ve ruined most of my relationships with my own insecurities and worries and over-analysis. We’re certainly not perfect.
Donna: This isn’t how two adults who care about each other move on.
Harvey: As far as I’m concerned, two adults who care about each other don’t move on at all.
I just think the main difference is just that women can handle these issues and these emotions better. We go out for wine with out friends and discuss it all in great detail and read inspirational Tumblr quotes and think about life.
And we would progress a lot better if we just let them do it. Women will cry and whinge and watch movies and drink wine. Men will not say a word and process it at their own time in their own head.
And that’s okay.
Harvey Spectre will solve his issues when he wants to. And in the mean time, he’ll keep being the Suit wearing, money making, legal genius that he is, regardless of the underlying issues.
We’d achieve a lot if sometimes, we took a leaf from his book.